Today's statistical analysis:

HAT USE IS UP 4%! Source: The American Hat Institute.
Also, the claims previously made by the brewing industry that "Beer Is Good" (and, strangely, "Life Is Good" according to one particular beer manufacturer) continue to stand, despite some heated debate on the topic.

On physiognomy and nomenclature:

ALL PERSONS NAMED 'TED' ARE STUPID! According to a source close to the General Accounting Office, it has been determined recently that all persons named Ted are stupid, which has been the privately held view of this office for years. The numbers, apparently, are overwhelming.
Issues of confidentiality and national security prevent us from revealing the source, or even the methods used to achieve this finding. We apologize for this.

LIMITED NUMBER OF FACIAL TYPES FOUND IN PERSONS NAMED 'BOB'! Science is not to be argued with. It has formulae that have been honed and sharpened over the millenia, and as long as one sticks to empirical criteria, one may never be wrong.
An online aggregator will have distilled information from every information source that is of any relevance. Its reach includes the world at large, or that which has ever been recorded anywhere, which is -for the scientific profession- all that matters.

And so we are proud to release the final numbers on the facial types available to men named Bob. Thirty. Source: Google Images.
Strict parameters were observed. No Bobbys, Robs, Roberts, Billy Bobs or bob-style haircuts were permitted. Inanimate objects that could be described as a 'bob' or 'bobber' have also been excluded.


Here is an example.

Below is another.


































'YELLOW' NOT YELLOW! A stunning reversal has been recorded in the annals of the naming of things. A freight company stationed somewhere in the western hemisphere has decided to overturn centuries of color-recognition with what could only be described as a cognitive coup:

That which is said to be what it is, is, according to tradition. The fact that this has been somewhat brutally cast aside by Yellow Freight Lines, with its conspicuously orange logo, is strange.
Times before in history that this has happened: none.
Possibility of recurrance due to precedent: high.

This perversity also extends to their motto:
Yes you can creating?
This sinister turn of events has been noted, and future incursions into the fabric of perception itself will be carefully tracked.